Five Things: Issue 205
Why do I depend on my Sleep Number something something I lost the thread
Worn out from watching my dog at the dog park.
Hello again friends new and old! Annie’s guest writing last week brought in a lot of new folks. I’m glad you’re here, and I hope you stay as long as you like it. Annie described Five Things as a “Mind Margarita” which I love. I love margaritas. I love how I can wisely only have one. I love how I only drink them with friends, and usually with chips. I’m honored.
Sometimes I like to do polls, just for hoots and giggles. Substack limits characters, so I will give you your options here:
Option 1: I love pickles and will get the big pickle at the gas station
Option 2: I like to eat a pickle out of the jar, but I don’t want them on my sandwich.
Option 3: I can’t stand pickles.
No matter your relationship with pickles, I hope you find time to eat fermented food in the coming weeks! This sentence now has links to the my instagram, and old issues of the newsletter. Also my Nuuly referral link. I hope today is beautiful for you.
If you have a mop you love, tell me about it.
Number One: Caesar Dressing Recipe
This dressing is literally the top result on Google, but it’s easy to whip up, and I love it. I sub “anchovy paste” with “just the juice from a tin of anchovies.” When I don’t have Mayo, or the heart to DIY Mayo, I just use a couple tablespoons of olive oil.
Number Two: The Continue Good Autumn Sage Candle
Alright y’all, it’s Fall Candle time! And I gotta recommend the Continue Good Autumn Sage candle. Smells delicious without smelling like pumpkin pie. Locals: you can also buy CG candles at Made in KC.
Number Three: Pilates drama!
If this newsletter has a recurring segment, it’s niche drama. The world of Pilates is battling because one guy thinks he has the copyright on various ways to move one’s body. I find fitness-copycatting especially interesting (see also: Tracy Anderson and Megan Roup) because on the one hand, if you’ve worked hard to create something, you don’t want it to just be copied, but who gets to profit from my sit up?
Number Four: Another Heavyweight Ep
I sort of forgot about Heavyweight for a minute because I don’t normally listen to podcasts on Spotify, but there’s a new season. And I loved the Sgt. John Kapphahn episode. Actually I’ve loved all the recent episodes, including the Cody short.
I think Heavyweight is best enjoyed one episode at a time. It’s an emotional show, but in a tender, hug-like way.
Number Five: Get the middle school girls at church to approve of your boyfriend
Here’s what you do: go to church. Go to church often enough that you meet a handful of middle schoolers. You only need to talk to them twice to enjoy a rich relationship, after that it’s all fun. Then get a boyfriend, bring the boyfriend to church, make sure the middle schoolers notice his presence. They’ll want to approve of him, and then once they do, your boyfriend might subscribe to your long-running newsletter.
If you didn’t know I had a boyfriend, may I suggest you become a paid subscriber? They knew about him first :)
Anyway, for a while I’ve operated with this “if fewer people know, I can’t get hurt” mentality when it comes to boys, which logically doesn’t make sense. But, the heart. I want to hold precious thing tenderly, but I am beginning to think it’s ok to be excited about things too.
Bonus: do not, under any circumstances, buy the Native Coconut Vanilla Lotion
Listen, I try to keep this newsletter positive. I complain enough IRL, I don’t need to complain more in this newsletter. However. I have long been a Vaseline Cocoa Butter lotion user. I like to stay moisturized.
But sometimes Instagram gets to me, and I think I need to buy “clean” things. So I bought the Native Coconut Vanilla Lotion. It smelled a little not-it in the bottle, but I thought it wouldn’t be a problem on me. It was such a problem I couldn’t sleep. My roommate (and friend) Sarah used some on her hands and had to wash it off. It’s so bad. Back to Vaseline I go.